Dressing for Myself, Not for Others

Written on May 22, 2023.

“Fashion is all about confidence!” I once heard someone say.

I like to wear clothes that are generally considered “not suitable for men.” Before coming to Japan, I went to a vintage shop with a friend to pick out a coat and ended up buying one for myself. It’s a soft and cute khaki-colored coat that I can wear all day long when it’s chilly outside. It reminds me of English detectives or, more precisely, the coat worn by VTuber Amelia Watson.

It was made by a now-defunct Japanese brand called Miss Onward (ミスオンワード), and the fact that the brand name includes “Miss” suggests that the original target audience for this coat was women. The coat has a layer of decorative fabric above the chest, a design that is not commonly seen in men’s coats and creates a light and airy impression. But I don’t care about the target audience of the clothing and I’m happy to have bought my first coat.

My philosophy is twofold: “the author is dead,” meaning that the interpretation and use of a work depend on the audience’s thoughts (and this brand has been around for a while); and that what’s important in clothing is one’s own preferences. I also think that I can handle this cute coat. There are two ways to solve the problem of whether or not clothing “fits”: either choose clothing that fits your current self or change yourself to wear the clothing you desire. Once you put it on, you’ll gradually find it fitting you, just like how body shaping affects people’s self-awareness.

People who live in society explore and establish their self-identity from the perspective of others. However, social feedback is only a reference, and it is still up to me to make decisions after analyzing the data. Relying entirely on others to establish oneself is far from the self-determination and handsomeness that I believe in.

I want to wear a coat to make myself appear calm and steady. The feedback from others about the design of the coat, combined with the belief that I can change myself, makes this clothing more and more suitable for me, allowing me to become the person I aspire to be, someone who can be himself.

Men Wearing Earrings

I’m someone who puts gender pronouns on my Instagram profile. One can use gendered “he”, gender-neutral “ze”, and the singular version of “they”. People who worry about these pronouns will likely be labeled as strange, but fortunately, I’m not that social and rarely encounter such malice. But when it comes to dressing the way I like, I still have to try hard to overcome my fear of imaginary viewers.

Recently, I bought my first pair of earrings. The golden ring hangs three layers of small green grape-like stone beads, which sway and produce a faint frictional sound when I move my head. The design of these earrings is far from the stereotypical male image and is too cute and fancy. Perhaps because of this, the clerk asked me if I wanted to wrap it as a gift. I paused for a moment and then chose the “For You” style. A gift for myself isn’t far from what I wanted.

The first time I wore earrings, I liked the cute image, and the little green beads made me feel protective. My friends’ reactions were also positive, and I received many “it suits you very well” comments, which made me very happy. My close friend also asked me to wear them often. Although I wore earrings for myself, getting support from friends is still a source of joy.

I also received some opinions about my image. Someone said that if I wear earrings on my right ear, girls will interpret it as me being homosexual, so it’s better to wear them only on the left ear. I am skeptical of this idea because changing my appearance to avoid being misunderstood does not fit my ideals. However, it is true that increasing the difficulty for others to interpret my image will make some disappointed after knowing the actual case. I really don’t know how other females will interpret it either.

But I will still wear earrings. When I have time, I wear them on both ears. When I only wear them on one side, it’s usually because I’m not skilled in putting them on my right ear. (And I overslept and ran out of time) Sometimes I don’t wear them at all because I only have one pair of earrings, and wearing them every day would be boring. I think I’m a person difficult to understand, not only because I’m not sure what image I want, but also because it takes a lot of effort for others to interpret me. But that’s not a bad thing. People are inherently difficult to understand, right? It’s okay not to understand each other at first glance, as long as we are willing to get to know each other after a conversation. Most conclusions made at first glance are just shallow labels based on stereotypes.

Unrelated Postscript:

I originally attempted to write about the harmful practice of “lifting oneself up by putting others down” as a means of building self-esteem, but realizing that the “positive example” in this article referred to myself made me feel like I had made a mistake. I should have written about other examples instead, such as Yuka’s (Ryuji Ayukawa) quote from the manga Blue Period: “Only my love… can protect me, right?”